August Writing Challenges: Day 10 - Avoiding Passive Voice

August. The summer is nearly over. Kids are going back to school. You now have some time on your hands.  Okay, you still have a list of chores a mile long, but let's put writing at the top of the priority list, okay?

I am going to challenge you with a writing prompt every day this month. Are you up for it? I hope so.

The writing challenges will be about a variety of topics and hopefully cause you to dig into your writing toolbox to complete with emotional skill.

Watch out, I just might throw in a fun one, well, just for fun!

For the tenth challenge we're going to learn how to avoid passive voice:

Before we start on the challenge, let's have a short reminder about "passive voice."
Passive Voice is a grammar term. It's a reading factor. In other words, it makes reading easier. Amateur writers horribly abuse passive voice. Corporate writers tend to use passive voice to excess, often to a level of 40% or higher. The passive sucks the life out of writing. So, be aware when using it. Clearly, any writer who uses the passive in 40% of his/her sentences isn't aware of it, right?

That's where the definition comes in:

Do you recall diagramming sentences in school? Oh, I can hear the groans all the way down in Florida!

Subject | Verb | Object

In this simple diagram of the active voice, the subject of the sentence goes ahead of the verb, or action word. The object of the sentence receives the action.

For example, "Rhonda eats the alien."

The subject of the sentence, Rhonda, acts, that is, she's the eater. The verb is eats. And, that makes alien the object. In this case, the direct object of the action, eats, acted out by Rhonda, the subject.

DIAGRAM:

Rhonda | eats | alien


To create a passive sentence we would do this:

The alien is eaten by Rhonda.

How? The subject of the sentence is acted upon.

Got it? Okay, let's try some exercises.



Here is your challenge:
Write these sentences into the active voice:

1. The battle was begun by the scouts blundering into each other in the night. But the war - the war was begun by politicians blundering in the light.
2. She was swept up in her own emotions, carried away by daydreams, buried in fantasy.
3. He was struck twice, first by fear, then by the realization that he loved her.

Next:
Now go back and re-evaluate each of your changes. Do you find at at lease one or two of the sample sentences read better in the passive, maybe even all three? Good. The point of this exercise is to assure you the passive is not always a bad thing. Don't let any writing how-to book tell you otherwise.



Passive Voice uses more words than active voice to express the same idea. Passive voice also softens the impact of your writing. You won't want to do that in tense action scenes because you won't grab the reader's attention. Passive voice is sometimes harder to read and more difficult to understand. And not just because it uses more words. In long sentences, you often have to reread parts to find the bottom line or search for the actor, if one even exists, it's at the tail end.

So, that's "passive" in a nutshell.

QUICK NOTE: Unless you are using the passive with a purpose, that is, to mellow out a passage, to avoid giving away a clue, or to slow down the pace of your novel, don't use it. Like most writing coaches, I urge you to use the active voice most of the time.

10 Ways to Develop Your Unique Writing Style

When you think of "Writing Style" you consider the way the idea is presented, not really the idea, itself.

Consider this: a reader picks up a book usually because of content, but more often than not not, puts it down because of style.

1. Think About Style - According to Gary Provost, author of 100 Ways to Improve Your Writing "There is not subject that cannot be made more fascinating by a well-informed and competent writer. And there is no subject that cannot be quickly turned into a literary sleeping pill by an incompetent writer."

2. Listen to What You Write. Writing is a visual art. Provost says, "To write is to create music." So, as writers this of yourselves as composers, and think of your words as making muss. You must read aloud what you write and make sure it sounds melodic. Listen for dissonance. Listen for the beat. Listen for gaps in music. Listen for sour notes. Listen for instruments that don't blend well. As Provost says, "Its is the way in which you combine them that can make the writing succeed or fail. It's the music that matters."

3. Mimic Spoken Language.  Make your writing conversational. Of course, we're not talking about an exact duplicate of speech, oh,  no! What Provost means, is your writing must convey to the reader a sense of conversation. Don't make it an ordinary conversation, make it a good one.

4. Vary Sentence Length.  If you tried counting every sentence in every paragraph in every book all you'd end up with would be a headache. If you tried to make every sentence the same length in every paragraph what you'd end up with is a headache. Why? Because it would be boring. The sound drones on an on with no ending. Let your ear help you with this. It demands a variety, as in music, it demands a beat, a rhythm, a harmony.  Use short sentences, medium sentences, longer sentences, mix them up. Use short sentences to evoke  a sense of urgency. Longer sentences to give the reader a rest. Remember, you're not just writing words, you're writing music.

5. Vary Sentence Construction. In school, do you remember how to structure a sentence? Subject ? Verb? Object? However, ideal sentence construction can bore readers. Of course, you shouldn't go out on a limb and rearrange sentences willy-nilly with no nod to Strunk & White, That's not what I'm saying, however, keep the principle elements of the sentence dancing so they'll create they're own music.

6. Write Complete Sentences. In most cases, a complete sentence creates a complete thought. Incomplete sentences were not acceptable in grammar school. However in the writing world, they do have their place. Provost says, "Good writing often contains incomplete sentences." It's a useful tool -- when USED WISELY and SPARINGLY. As far as Provost is concerned, "...write complete sentences 99% of the time. But now and then if a partial sentence sounds right to you, that's what you should write. Period."

7. Show, Don't Tell. Usually shorter is better. However, it sometimes takes more words to show than it does to tell. That's okay. Description helps.

8. Keep Related Words Together. When you go to a grocery store, even if you've never been there before, you can find most everything you're looking for without the use of a map or customer service. Why? Because they group related items together. Do the same with words. Adjectives should be placed near the noun they describe. Adverbs should be close to the verbs they modify, and dependent clauses near the words on which they depend for meaning.

9. Use Parallel Construction. As the steady of a drum often enriches the melody, the repetition of a sound can improve the music in your writing. Placing words and sounds together by arranging sentences sentences together to show the reader similarities of information contained in sentences is called parallel construction.

10. Don't Force a Personal Style.  Similar to a new set of clothes, style is something you cannot force on a person, or your writing. As Provost says, "Style is your writing.... Do not try to write like Erma Bombeck, Hunter S. Thompson, Ernest Hemingway, or anybody else. If you fail you will look foolish, and if you succeed you will succeed only in announcing to the world that you are not very creative."

Be you instead. 

Copyright: rtimages / 123RF Stock Photo

The Least You Should Know - Capital Letters

Capitalize: To write or print in capital letters (Webster's II New Riverside Dictionary)

Seems simple enough, right? But, which words are capitalized and which are not, and how do you know the difference?


So, here in this post, we'll answer the what, why and when to capitalize.

Here are seven rules on Capitalization.

Capitalize:

1. The first word of every sentence.

The horse ran through the field.


2. The first word of every direct quotation.

She said, "I've wondered about that."

"They don't think about how water is found," he said, "and I can tell it doesn't make a difference." (The  and is not capitalized because it does not begin a new sentence.)


3. The first, last, and every important word in a title. Don't capitalize prepositions, short connecting words, the to in front of a verb, or a, an, the.

What a Horse Owner Needs to Know

"The Night the Earth Stood Still"


4. Names of people, places, languages, races, and nationalities

Grandmother Jones
Europe
United States
Japanese
Latin American
Indian


5. Names of months, days of the week, and special days, but not the seasons

March
Tuesday
Fourth of July
Halloween
spring
winter


6. A title of relationship. If it takes the place of the person's name, but not otherwise. If my (or a similar word) is in front of the word, a capital letter is not used.

I know Father will want to go.     but   I think my mother will come.

I'm sorry, Grandmother.     but    Our grandmother is 60.

He visited Uncle Henry.      but   She visited her aunt.

She phone Mother yesterday.      but   He phoned his dad.


7. Names of particular people or things, but not general ones.

I spoke to Professor Lawrence.       but   I spoke to the professor.

We sailed on the Mississippi River.      but   We sailed on the river.

Are you from the Northeast?      but   We turned east.

I take Art 101 and Spanish 102.      but   I take art and Spanish.

I went to Bayview High School.      but   I was in high school ten years ago.

He goes to Phoenix University.      but   He is going to the university now.


Have you figured out Capitalization?  If you have further questions, please put them in the comments below.


I hope you've enjoyed this "The Least You Should Know" series. This is the last session. Next week we'll open up a discussion about what you'd like to learn more about with writing and how I can meet those needs.

10 Ways to Develop Style

We are all looking for ways to improve our writing. Today, I thought I would help you develop your style. So, what is style? When in the discussion of writing, style is "the way in which an idea is expressed, not the idea itself."

1. Think About Style -  Think about how you want to express your idea. Use all of your senses.

2. Listen to What you Write - Think of your writing as music. The words you write make sounds, and when those sounds are in harmony, the writing will work. Read your writing aloud. Listen for the beat. Listen for gaps where the music doesn't work. "There are no good sounds or bad sounds, just as there are no good notes or bad notes in music. It is the way in which you combine them that can make the writing succeed or fail. It's the music that matters." states Gary Provost.

3. Mimic Spoken Language - Writing should be conversational. Your writing should convey to the reader a sense of conversation. Mimic spoken language in the variety of its music, in the simplicity of its words, in the directness of its expression. Writing provides time for contemplation. Use it well.

4. Vary Sentence Length - Vary the sentence length and you create music. The writing sings. It has a pleasant rhythm. A lilt, a harmony. Write with a combination of short, medium, and long sentences. Create a sound that pleases the reader's ear. Don't just write words. Write music.

5. Vary Sentence Construction - Subject. Predicate. Object. That's how we were taught early in life to construct sentences. However, identical sentence structure can become boring to readers. Of course, you should strive for clarity and not arrange your sentences in a way that strangles their logic. Keep the primary elements of the sentence dancing so that they will create their own music.

6. Write Complete Sentences - Complete sentences have a subject and a predicate. You should always try to write complete sentences. Good writing often contains incomplete sentences. The incomplete sentence is a useful tool. Using it wisely can invigorate the music of your words. Like a chime or the beat of a drum.

7. Show, Don't Tell - When you are showing people something, you are trusting them to make up their minds for themselves. Readers like to be trusted. Don't dictate to them. Let them see the person, situation, or thing you are describing, and they will not only like what you have written, they will like you for trusting them.

8. Keep Related Words Together - Adjectives should be placed near the nouns they describe so they don't appear to be describing some other noun. In the same vein, adverbs should be close to verbs they modify, and dependent clauses should be near the words on which they depend for meaning.

9. Use Parallel Construction - Just as the steady beat of a drum can often enrich a melody, the repetition of a sound can often improve the music of your writing. When you deliberately arrange words and sounds in similar fashion to show the reader the similarity of information contained in sentences it is called parallel construction.

10. Don't Force a Personal Style - Style is your writing. It is tangled in the content of your words and the nature of you. Do not create some kind of persona in your head and try to capture it on paper. Do not try to write like Erma Bombeck, Hunter S. Thompson, Ernest Hemingway or anybody else. Write well and without self-consciousness. Only then will your own style emerge.

If you follow these simple points, you'll be writing your own music and it will be delightful to the reader and to yourself.

Writing Reference - 100 Ways to Improve Your Writing by Gary Provost

Writing Tips - Pairs of Beginning Sentences

Today's Writing Tip comes from Alexandra Marshall, from the book titled What If? Writing Exercises for Fiction Writers.

I'd like to know what you thought of it, so please leave a comment at the end.

Sometimes less is more, and sometimes it is just less. But no matter what, writing with a strict economy of purpose can force useful answers to fundamental questions. Even from one sentence you can learn both who the character is and what the story is about. To provide focus, it is helpful to begin by writing sentences in arbitrary pairs with established parameters.

THE EXERCISE

Write the first sentence of a story about a birth. Now write the first sentence about a death. Try other paris, such as falling in love an filing for divorce. Try pairs that are not in opposition, such as spring and summer. Then invent your own pairs.

THE OBJECTIVE

This is a way to sharpen skill by working for a specific kind of clarity. It is about naming essences.

STUDENT EXAMPLE

A birth and a death

1. I won't be doing any bonding with either one of them for quite awhile; I know I shouldn't have gone into the delivery room.

2. "He doesn't look peaceful or tortured or saintly, and no he doesn't look 'just like himself''; he looks like some dead thing that I never knew, and I don't know why I'm here."

Falling in love and filing for divorce

1. It could have happened to him a dozen times before and with women prettier, smarter, richer, funnier, sexier, even nicer, but it didn't, did it?

2. I don't want to throw her out the window or cheat her out of the money or tell her what a shit she is; I want to thank her for every damn day of it.

Spring and summer

1. All spring means to me is that things change, and if they didn't, I'd never die--but I'd want to.

2. The end of summer stopped having any tangible meaning in his life long ago, but with each year he is still slower to recover from it.

Can you think of other examples? Choose subjects and write beginning sentences. I'd like you to come up with pairs of sentences that help you bring together a specific kind of clarity; the naming of essences. If all you can come up with is opposition, that's great too. Just start writing.

Let me know what you think of this tip and exercise.

Writing Tips - Overcoming the Fear of Writing a Synopsis

If you noticed, I didn’t title this article “Overcoming YOUR Fear of Writing a Synopsis.” I don’t think you own the fear anymore than I do or any other writer. We all share a common emotion, one that can be summed up in one word: Formidable.

What is it about this particular piece of writing that brings out more moans and groans from writers than a roomful of sixth graders getting a surprise math test?

What is a Synopsis?

Look at the word. Synopsis. Say it with me. “Sin-op-sissss.” Even the sound of the word emanates dread.

What is a synopsis? Webster’s defines it as “a shortened statement or outline, as of a narrative. Abstract.”

Nothing sounds particularly evil in that definition. Let’s look at it a little closer – “shortened statement or outline.” Hey, look at that. “outline.” Now there is a little word we’re all familiar with. Does “outline” make you cringe as much as “synopsis?” What about “shortened statement?” Not me. Probably not you, either.

Start with a Simple Sentence

Let’s start with the shortened statement. I’ll use the popular children’s story, Lady and the Tramp to help demonstrate my points.

What is our story about?

“Lady and the Tramp is a story about dogs.”

True, but the portrayal is dry and uninteresting. Would you want to just read a story about dogs? What makes this dog story different? Let’s see if we can add some more information to better describe the story.

“Lady and the Tramp is about two dogs from different sides of the track.”

Good. Now we know that there are two main characters. And, we know that these two characters are different in some way. Let’s see if we can do a little bit better.

“Lady and the Tramp tells the adventures of an upper-class, well bred cocker spaniel and a roguish mutt from the wrong side of the tracks.”

Okay. Now we have some description and a hint at a story. We know that these two distinctly different characters are going to have at least one adventure.

Describe Your Story in 25 Words or Less

So, now we need to think about our audience. The synopsis generally goes to an editor, agent, or publisher. So, we must capture their attention. Give them something to grab onto and not let go. This is where you can really get creative and meet the “describe your story in 25 words or less” challenge.

“Lady and the Tramp is filled with exciting adventures of Lady, a lovingly pampered cocker spaniel and Tramp, a roguish mutt from across the tracks.”

Whew! There it is – 25 words – exactly. We’ve just written a strong hook for the opening of our synopsis.

Every synopsis should start out with a statement that describes your story in approximately 25 words. However, don’t be a stickler about trying to hit the “magic” number. There isn’t really a magic number. But, keeping your description to approximately 25 words helps to focus your writing on the key elements of your story.

Key Elements – Not That Difficult to Identify

Speaking of key elements, those are what we now need to identify so that we can create our synopsis.

Wait, wait. Stop groaning. I promise we’ll go slowly. Okay?

I think I’ve read every article and book written on creating a synopsis and even though every writer has their own formula for creating the “perfect synopsis,” I admit that authors agree on one thing – You need to practice. So, my suggestion is that you do what I’ve done here. You find some simple stories and practice creating the synopsis for them. Once you’re able to pick out the key elements easily, you’re ready to create a synopsis for your own story.

So, back to our story, Lady and the Tramp.

First Element - Structure

The basic structure of the synopsis should be a complete summary of your story from beginning to end, written in present tense. Simple, right? So far. Let’s see how that helps us with our story.

“Lady and the Tramp is filled with exciting adventures of Lady, a lovingly pampered cocker spaniel and Tramp, a roguish mutt from across the tracks.

Lady’s owners love her but ignore her when their baby arrives. The owners leave her with a cat-loving aunt who locks Lady out of the house.

Lady runs away and straight into a street-wise mutt named Tramp who shows her how good he has it being free from owners.

Lady is caught by the dog catcher and spends time in the pound learning some of Tramp’s secrets. Hurt and jealous, Lady is returned home and exiled to the doghouse once again.

Lady discovers a rat making its way into the house and is helpless to defend her home. Tramp helps her by getting into the house and killing the rat. However, he’s accused of attacking the baby and is placed in the dog catcher’s wagon to be taken to the pound.

Lady’s owners return home just in time to see how Lady has been treated and have Lady show them the dead rat.”

More Key Elements – Setting, Main Characters, Conflict

Not bad for a first draft. We’re missing a few items that would make the story more dramatic and compelling for the editor, but those can be added easily. First, we should make sure that we’ve established the setting for the story and identified our main characters.

We’ll have to identify real conflict between these characters and their motivations. Then, we’ll have to show the resolution of the conflict. It isn’t as important to name every character in the synopsis, but you must name your main characters.

Final Key Elements – Tell Your Ending

Finally, we must make sure that we’ve wrapped up our story and told our ending. Yes, that’s what I said, we tell our ending in the synopsis. You must never, ever tease editors and leave them guessing about the ending of story.

As a side note for romance writers: If your story is a romance, make sure you always establish the love relationship between the two main characters by showing how they met and why they’re fighting against their attraction.

 With that advice, let’s see how our synopsis shapes up after adding these key elements.

“Lady and the Tramp is an early twentieth century story filled with exciting adventures of Lady, a lovingly pampered cocker spaniel and Tramp, a roguish mutt from across the tracks in New England.

Lady’s owners lavish attention on her until a new baby arrives that takes all their attention. Ignoring Lady’s needs, they go away on a trip leaving her and the baby with a callous aunt and her two Siamese cats that wreak havoc. Lady, wrongly accused of the mischievous cats’ pranks, ends up in the backyard doghouse and eventually fitted for a muzzle.

Fearful, Lady runs away and straight into a street-wise mutt named Tramp who shows her how good he has it being free from owners. He treats her to a night on the town, complete with a romantic Italian dinner from his favorite restaurant.

Unfortunately, even though he protects Lady from a vicious dog attack, Tramp can’t protect her from the dog catcher. Lady spends time in the pound learning some of Tramp’s secrets from his other wayward, albeit, intimate acquaintances. Hurt and jealous, Lady returns home and is once again exiled to the doghouse.

Lady’s other neighborhood dog-friends advice her to forget this scoundrel and chivalrously offer to take care of her.

Tramp returns, hoping to change Lady’s mind about him. She rejects his advances and sends him on his way.

Moments later she’s alarmed that an ugly rat enters the house, but can’t do anything about it because she’s chained. Tramp comes to the rescue by finding a way into the house and killing the rat before it can harm the baby.

However, the heartless aunt accuses Tramp of attacking the baby and calls the dog catcher who places him in the wagon to be taken to the pound.

Lady’s owners return home just in time to see how Lady has been treated and have Lady show them the dead rat. Lady’s friends run to stop the dog catcher’s wagon and everyone is reunited after a thrilling chase scene.

When the commotion settles, Tramp chooses the family life and abandons his drifting ways to stay with Lady and her owners.”

And, there you have it. Your synopsis. Was that so painful?

This synopsis is rather short when compared to the longer books you desire to write. Don’t let that intimidate you. The concept is still the same.

Final Advice

Editors have specific requirements when it comes to the length of your synopsis. Unfortunately, just like snowflakes, no two editors are the same. One editor requires a ten-page synopsis while another may only want two pages.

My advice to you is that you follow the requirements of the editor and make sure you include enough information in your synopsis to tell your story but not so much to slow it down. Focus on the story’s development from beginning to end and make sure you emphasize the resolution of the conflict and/or romance.

If you’re having trouble writing your synopsis, don’t beat yourself up about it. Go back to your story. Have you developed the plot completely? Do you understand your characters and their motivation? Is your conflict believable and resolvable? If you can’t answer those questions, the problem isn’t with your synopsis. If you don’t understand your story how do you expect an editor to?

Good luck and remember to practice, practice, practice.

Lady and the Tramp is owned by © Disney Enterprises, Inc. All rights reserved.

Image credit: studiom1 / 123RF Stock Photo

Writing Tips - 8 Basics of Creative Writing

Today's lesson comes from Kurt Vonnegut. From Wikipedia "November 11, 1922 – April 11, 2007) was an American writer. His works such as Cat's Cradle (1963),Slaughterhouse-Five (1969), and Breakfast of Champions (1973) blend satire, gallows humor, and science fiction. As a citizen he was a lifelong supporter of the American Civil Liberties Union and a critical pacifist intellectual. He was known for his humanist beliefs and was honorary president of the American Humanist Association."

About Vonnegut's writing career - also from Wikipedia - "Vonnegut's first short story, "Report on the Barnhouse Effect," appeared in the February 11, 1950, edition of Collier's (it has since been reprinted in his short story collection, Welcome to the Monkey House). His first novel was the dystopian novel Player Piano (1952), in which human workers have been largely replaced by machines. He continued to write short stories before his second novel, The Sirens of Titan, was published in 1959. Through the 1960s, the form of his work changed, from the relatively orthodox structure of Cat's Cradle (which in 1971 earned him a Master's Degree) to the acclaimed, semi-autobiographical Slaughterhouse-Five, given a more experimental structure by using time travel as a plot device. These structural experiments were continued in Breakfast of Champions (1973), which includes many rough illustrations, lengthy non-sequiturs, and an appearance by the author himself as adeus ex machina.

Vonnegut attempted suicide in 1984 and later wrote about this in several essays."

I won't go into them here, as they're not really writing related, but a collection of 15 Things Kurt Vonnegut Said Better Than Anyone Else Ever Has or Will is something you might enjoy reading.

Something from Kurt Vonnegut that I will share with you is from the preface to his short story collection Bagombo Snuff Box. In it, Mr. Vonnegut shared what he calls Creative Writing 101. And, I share it with you today.

1. Use the time of a total stranger in such a way that he or she will not feel the time was wasted.

2. Give the reader at least one character he or she can root for.

3. Every character should want something; even if it is only a glass of water.

4. Every sentence must do one of two things - reveal character or advance the action.

5. Start as close to the end as possible.

6. Be a sadist. No matter how sweet and innocent your leading characters, make awful things happen to them - in order that the reader may see what they are made of.

7. Write to please just one person. If you open a window and make love to the world, so to speak, your story will get pneumonia.

8. Give your readers as much information as possible as soon as possible. To heck with suspense. Readers should have such complete understanding of what is going on, where and why, that they could finish the story themselves, should cockroaches eat the last few pages.

There you have it. Wise words from a literary legend. 

Active vs. Passive Verbs

When writing fiction, you will want to use active verbs as much as possible. It helps keep the story active and the reader engaged.

Do you know the difference between "active" and "passive" verbs?

Well, don't worry, we're going to discuss them here.

In ACTIVE sentences, the thing doing the action is the subject of the sentence and the thing receiving the action is the object.

For example: Todd threw the ball to Jane.

Thing doing action = Todd
Verb = threw
Thing receiving action = ball

In PASSIVE sentences, the thing receiving the action is the subject of the sentence and the thing doing the action is usually included near the end of the sentence. You might use the passive form if you think that the thing receiving the action is more important or should be emphasized. You might also want to use the passive form if you do not know who is doing the action of if you do not want to mention who is doing the action.

For example: The ball was thrown by Todd.

Thing receiving the action = ball
Passive verb = was thrown
Thing doing action = Todd

This link has a very good example of how to use passive or active voice, how to change to either, and why.

If you'd like to take a quiz and determine active or passive in a variety of sentences click here.

Your mission today, if you choose to follow it, is to take a passage of your own writing and revise all the verbs in it. Try to make as many active sentences as possible in order to create a more dynamic section of writing.

If you want, you can post your pieces here in the comments.

If you still have questions, let me know and we'll clear them up for you.